October 15th; My Angel Baby

This post is pretty un-related to Bailey but just spreading the word of a day near and dear to my heart! I thought I'd share my story and reasoning why October 15th means so much to me.

Steven & I found out we were pregnant the very first time at the end of March or early April 2007, it was very un-expected and a huge change in our still fresh relationship but we embraced our blessing. Things seemed to go okay throughout the beginning of my pregnancy. I counted down the days, went to the doctors, and we got our very first (and only) sonogram. I did endure several stressors, we moved into an apartment and I started a new job full time. On my very first day of work in June 2007, middle of my shift I started to feel sick and my stomach was in unbearable pain. I tried to stick it out but I started to bleed so I left work early and went straight for the hospital in fear that something was just not right. After hours of sitting at Howard County General and getting an ultrasound they broke the most heartbreaking news... I had lost my very first baby, 15 weeks into my pregnancy. I remember not being able to breathe. They were un-able to tell me if the baby was a boy or a girl so his/her name has just always been "Baby Breeden". They were also un-able to tell me why I lost the baby other than the fact that the baby had something medically wrong so he/she couldn't survive. I had surgery(DNC)the next day to remove the baby, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. This was the first REAL hardship Steven & I endured together! 6 short months later we found out we were pregnant yet again and 8 months later we were blessed with our beautiful Bailey Grace.


(The only sonogram we had done, one month before the baby passed away)


**Pregnancy & Infant loss Remembrance day is this Saturday, October 15th, please join me in lighting a candle from 7-8pm to remember all of the angel babies who were just too beautiful for earth!



"When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them."

Fall is here!

It's been awhile since I've posted anything..

Bailey turned 3 on August 21st, she had a Tinkerbell party at Clark's Farm. The kids got their faces painted, got to feed and pet all the animals, went on a hay ride, cow train ride, had pizza, cupcakes, and of course presents. Bailey had fun although it was pretty hot that day and she got worn out fast. Next year we'll try for cooler activities!

August 26th we met with a new Genetics doctor that her original Genetics doctor referred us to for an after hospital follow up. He didn't have much to say because all of the blood work that was done in the hospital that could have given him some answers were either incomplete or done too late after her initial symptoms. So he gave me a prescription to carry around that lists blood work to be done in case that ever happens again it will be done correctly and right away! He also agreed to no fasting for tests anymore and he wants us to record a food diary so a Nutritionist can go over it and see if maybe Bailey's missing or getting to much of something that would cause her to have a reaction if it's taken away. He was very nice but again we left with no answers!

We've been slowly decreasing her overnight feeds since she got out of the hospital and she has been tolerating that just fine. I'm not afraid of doing it slowly, I'm afraid of once it's done and gone completely.

NIH & Children's are still working together to coordinate her really important MRI's! I recently contacted the assistant and it shouldn't be too much longer before we have a date of when they'll be. I'm nervous for what they may or may not find but maybe it will push us in some sort of direction and it will determine which muscle they can do a muscle biopsy from!

Bailey started pre-school at the beginning of the month and she absolutely LOVES it! She wakes up everyday asking to get on the bus and go to school and she comes home everyday telling me all about what she did! I'm still getting used to not being as involved and trying to learn the school system and how Bailey's IEP goals are being met. I finally am communicating with her new therapists and I'm feeling better about it than I was at the beginning. I do believe she will need PT outside of school as well though.

I will update again whenever I have more news. :)

Bailey's last visits with a few of her therapists that have seen her since she was 1 week old

Video I made for Bailey

Things just got a little bit more crazy

As most of you know Bailey was hospitalized from Tuesday evening until Saturday afternoon for what they are calling a Metabolic Crisis...

Glossary - Metabolic crisis

This is a serious health condition caused by low blood sugar and the build-up of toxic substances in the blood. Symptoms of a metabolic crisis are poor appetite, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, extreme sleepiness, irritable mood and behavior changes. If not treated, breathing problems, seizures, coma, and sometimes even death can occur.

Metabolic crises happen more often in people with certain metabolic disorders (some fatty acid oxidation disorders, amino acid disorders, and organic acid disorders). They are often triggered by things like illness or infection, going without food for a long time, and, in some cases, heavy exercise.

Last Friday we had what we thought was a great GI appointment. They felt she had gained enough weight to try and stop feeds. Great news right? I was a little apprehensive because the last 2 times we tried to stop feeds Bailey became dehydrated and we had to start them back up again. Her GI team assured me she would be fine as long as I made sure she drank alot and continued to give her extra calories by mouth. Bailey did really well until Tuesday morning.

She woke up Tuesday feeling terrible and then started vomiting, she continued to decline all day even after taking her to her Pediatrician. By the time I took her to the ER she was lethargic, wasn't talking, and hadn't peed all day. All I can say is THANK GOD we decided to go to the ER, I don't even want to think about what could have happened. Her Glucose(blood sugar) was dangerously low and her white blood count was almost triple! It took them 2 days to restore her fluids and her blood/urine tests showed signs that her body had started to shut down!

They say this is NOT because of her feeds and the last 2 times probably weren't either, they simply aren't enough to cause that much of an issue. A bunch of Specialists including her Genetics doctor and students joined forces with Bailey's NIH doctor and tried to come up with a reason her feeds have been masking something to where she can't be without them. Of course we have NO answer and they all believe it is due to Bailey's famous underlying issue that NO ONE can figure out. So now instead of just trying to find an underlying issue like the last few years we now have a critical issue to deal with. She is going to be closely observed and we have to be so careful of her getting sick because sick could throw her into another metabolic crisis and she can also no longer fast before tests (she has several coming up) because that may cause dehydration which could again throw her into a metabolic crisis. We are waiting for her follow up appointment with Genetics to hear the full plan and discuss the future while we await possible answers. It's a strong possibility that I will get Glucometer to test her sugar when/if she starts acting funny so I can act accordingly based on what it says but for now she has a fluid intake amount she has to reach each day and they restarted her feeds and we will try to wean her very slowly(1ml a week) and see what happens.

Out of everything Bailey has been through in her little life this was by far the most horrible thing I have ever had to watch. At one point they couldn't wake her up, the thought of losing her became present and it was the worst feeling I've ever felt. I've never been more terrified in all of my life. I hope to God that this never EVER happens again.

Sometimes life hits you right in the nose with the truth, and suddenly everything looks different.

I'm not sure where to start off with this post since everything we've been through in the last few weeks leading up to Bailey's big NIH appointment yesterday is all so fresh.. I'm finding it hard to put this all into words let alone make sense of the information I've been given.

Our appointment at NIH was overwhelming to say the least. The place is HUGE, I think we got lost 10 times throughout the day. They weren't joking when they said plan to be there all day, we were there every bit of 9 hours. They had our whole day planned out. Bailey had a PT evaluation to see what all she is able to do then we met with the team of nurses, students, and Dr. Bonnemann who took down history and did a physical exam. After the exam they did a muscle ultrasound of Bailey's legs, arms, back, and feet and then she had an EMG test done and blood work but most importantly at the end of the day we had a sit down talk with Dr. Bonnemann about all of the information they gathered and what he thought.

Dr. Bonnemann agreed that Bailey is a very complicated child, she has several "puzzle pieces" that just don't quite fit together; Atypical Congenital Contractures, Her waves of decline, and abnormalities showing in her muscles. There are some things going on with her brain that they are un-sure of at this time and the muscle ultrasound showed that some of Bailey's muscles are indeed damaged. He recommended that Bailey have 2 complex MRI's, a scan of all of her muscles in her body and a chemical scan to show any chemical imbalances in her brain or any mitochondria that is not present in blood work. After these scans are done which will take several months, they will decide on which muscle to take a muscle biopsy from. In the mean time they took blood work and will be running more complex genetic testing. After all is said and done we will see what he comes up with. As of right now he said he has no idea what Bailey has off of the top of his head. I am not in the least bit suprised of that but it never gets easier hearing doctor after doctor say that to your face.

I am pretty numb to the information right now, we will just take it one day at a time, do what he says, and stay hopeful. I do know she is definitely being seen by the best place to possibly find out what's going on! We have a long road ahead but that is nothing new! We will keep on keepin' on! :)

Happy Father's Day!

I just wanted to take a minute to recognize Steven. I spend so much time talking about Bailey that I don't always give him the full recognition that he deserves. He is my rock, he holds me together when I feel as if the whole world is crashing down around me. Even when he is feeling lost, hopeless and scared too he manages to hold it together for me! He knows just what to say to make it all okay. Bailey loves her Daddy so very much! She looks out the window waiting for him to come home from work everyday and anticipates their time together. She truly is Daddy's little girl!



Thank you for putting us first in your life and for always taking care of us.

Happy Father's Day!

Busy little bee

I don't have answers yet BUT I do have dates! :)

Cardiologist - June 27th
EEG - June 28th
MRI - July 9th
NIH - July 13th

Bailey is a busy bee on a normal basis but things are going to be back to being ridiculous all over again. I'm glad the appointments are made and they aren't far away at all!

I'm extremely glad that Bailey's MRI could be done before her NIH appointment so the results will be available and also that it's going to be on a Saturday so Steven can be there! She has to be sedated again because of her age, so hopefully there are no complications as there have been in the past.

Today was Bailey's IEP meeting! I actually made no changes (for once) to anything they put in front of me. Her goals and objectives were right on point and I feel confident in everything that was put on the IEP. We decided on how often she will receive therapy in school and what program was best for her. Everything is finished until Pre-school orientation. She will go to Gorman Crossing Elem. starting September 1st for 2 1/2 hours a day Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. She gets a nice break in the middle of the week which I think will be great for her especially considering her increased fatigue lately. She will continue to have therapy over summer until her birthday, August 21st. We are all really excited for her and I know I made the right decision in choosing to send her to school instead of keeping her home for another year!

I think I've finally gotten a grip on myself lately. I've been keeping busy and focusing on doing what needs to be done instead of over-working my brain on what could possibly be going on with my beautiful daughter. A friend of mine told me she often thinks "Things will be okay because they HAVE to be" and I couldn't agree more. Until someone tells me for sure things aren't okay I'm gonna keep myself believing everything will be just fine. I can't let this eat at me or I am no good in advocating for Bailey!

Until next time...